Is St Valentine’s day triggering self-love or self-hate?

We are in February, the month of love ‘par excellence’ and of course a very big commercial opportunity.  I remember when I was a teenager and then later on a young woman how I felt when St Valentine’s would approach.  All my uncertainty, self-doubt and body concerns would come up, either I had a boyfriend or I didn’t.  If I was in a relationship I would wonder if I would get a present, a card, flowers or anything else.  If I was single I was fantasizing who would be interested in me or whom I would fancy ….  Either way St Valentine’s would evoke not nice vibes for me, just the opposite.  Now with the prospective of a mature woman, I remember these thoughts, worries, feelings and anticipations with a calm and wise smile on my face, but back then it was a very different story.

I am sure that I wasn’t the only teenager or young woman who was daydreaming in February and fantasizing about a knight in shining armour who would show up one day and would sweep me off my feet and would carry me on his wonderful horse to a brighter future disappearing in the sunset …  I, like many other women still today, was raised with fairy tales and conditioned to think that life is much better with a boyfriend and possibly a husband who would take care of you, as if on my own, I couldn’t do that in an adequate way.  Fortunately I grew up and understood that being in a relationship is and can be good, but being on my own can be super good too and sometimes even better.  It took me years and several relationships to slowly understand that happiness, even the romantic version of it, is something that I have to cultivate within myself on a daily basis, rather than expect that it will come with a man.  It is not a gift that comes from the outside or from someone, but just the opposite, I have to create it and regularly attend to it.  I also learnt that any of my dislikes about my body and myself would only be amplified in a relationship, and not the opposite.  The other person would unconsciously pick up on my uncertainties and fears of being not that beautiful, interesting or skillful and they would all come back to me with a vengeance!

Nobody ever prepared me or instructed me about things like these, even if they are pretty practical to be able to live a full and satisfying life.  All these dislikes would be also made worse by the media, as they are all commercially driven and not interested in educating and resolving people’s problems, forget about women’s uncertainties!  The media thrive on pains and problems, therefore they have a huge interest in perpetuating them as they are worth billions in advertising by companies which sell products to resolve them.  If it wasn’t that I have a very rebellious spirit, possibly I would have never woken up and understood all this and would still live with all my uncertainties in my late 40’s.  Fortunately my spiritual quest started having its effects from my late 20’s onward and, slowly but steadily, it allowed me to develop as an independent being and a woman who has got a mind of her own, alleluia!  My spiritual quest was very much enhanced in the second half of my 40’s by the development of my menstrual awareness.  I couldn’t have become the woman I am now without it. 

All these thoughts that I am now sharing with you were actually triggered by an ad that I read in a women’s magazine recently.  I have to say that the majority of ads, especially in women’s magazines, are pretty stupid and blunt, but this one just got my attention more than any other one.  I won’t mention brands and names for obvious reasons, but it actually doesn’t matter, as they are all similar in content, images and approach for the product they are selling.  It was an ad for female towels flashing the absolute safeness of the product as having a component that is anti-leakage, super absorbent, etc. All these benefits allow women to conduct life ‘as normal’, even during those ‘cursed’ days of menstruation, because “I decide when the night ends, not my period” so the ad was stating!  You might wonder what does this have to do with having dislikes about oneself, lack of self-worth, etc.?  Well, my answer is simple. Being a female cycle consultant and working with women who have got menstrual problems, what I have noticed, first on myself and then in others, is that the two are connected at a very deep level.  Lack of self-worth, self-esteem, self-knowledge and self-love sooner or later will show up with ailments in the reproductive organs. It is not a rule, but it is certainly a good possibility.  Even if a woman doesn’t have menstrual problems, being cycle aware and knowledgeable in that respect, changes completely her approach to life and the way she conducts herself.